Listening Back, Together

As most of you know, for the last 4+ months I have been serving as the General Manager of Genesis on an interim basis. As I've shared previously during this time I have struggled to contribute regularly to this blog. Why do we struggle so with things we are committed to? Maybe its because we are not as committed as we say we are. Or maybe something or someone else distracts us from our commitments (tries to change our priorities). That something could be something good (like serving others for me) or something not so good (like laziness and selfishness for me). That someone could be a friend, an acquaintance, or a foe (even The enemy).

I think it is a combination of all those things/people that has contributed to my struggle with the commitment I have to communicating through this blog. But I think there may be another even more important reason why I've struggled and why we often struggle with things we are committed to. And that is wrong thinking about the thing we are committed to. Sometimes we blame other things, especially busyness when the real problem is not thinking right about what we've committed to. In the case of sharing my faith walk with others through Slender Wires I've realized that I've been thinking wrong about what I should be writing in these posts.

Over the last months as I've been working at Genesis I've been surprised how much of my time is doing paperwork, sitting in front of the computer, dealing with emails, writing policies, responding to audits, developing budgets and fundraising strategies. All that stuff, so I thought makes for pretty boring reading. I said I wasn't blogging because I was too busy but really I wasn't blogging becuase I felt what I was doing and living day to day would bore people and not inspire or encourage them. I felt like I had to have an emotional story or something clever or profound to share in my posts. I did manage one what I thought was a pretty clever post related to something as boring as audits and doing accounts "I reckon" :).

Then this week I started reading Walking with God by John Eldredge. In it he says he's going to share of series of stories of what it looks like to walk with God over the course of a year. It's a goal that is similar to what I want to do with Slender Wires. And as he says, "How much more valuable might this be if we could share with one another the stories of our true encounters with God - not the mountain top ones, but the everyday encounters...". He also quotes Frederick Beuchner about writing an autobiography. Buechner says "... it seems to me that no matter who you are, and no matter how eloquent or otherwise, if you tell your own story with sufficient candor and concreteness, it will be an interesting story and in some sense a universal story..." . The mundane not the mountaintop is valuable when shared. My excuse of not having anything interesting to share was just that, an excuse and based on wrong thinking.

But why is it that the mundane is important to share. How does my telling the mundane everyday happenings of my life contribute to anyone else's faith journey. I think Buechner anwers that as well. "If God speaks to us at all other than through ... the Bible and the church, then I think he speaks to us largely through what happens to us... " . And if I am going to hear God speaking to me in this way I have to "listen back over what has happened to me" in the mundane times as well as the exciting times (partly because there are a lot more of them). And as I listen back to hear God in the everyday events of my life, you have the opportunity to listen back over what has happened to you. We find Buechner is right, our stories are universal. And maybe you and I will hear God together. Cool! Let's stay commited to sharing our stories.

I Reckon So

In my current role as Genesis GM a lot of my time is being spent dealing with the US government PEPFAR grant that has been providing so much funding to both Genesis and Project Positive Ray over the last 3 years. Last month I had to submit to USAID a large document in response to the audit of the program for 2007. In it we tried to justify why we should not have to pay back several thousand dollars in questioned costs. This entire past week we have had auditors here doing the same type of audit for 2008. Now we have another long list of issues to address for the auditors before they submit their report to USAID. Not a lot of fun and not what I think Paul had in mind when he said God "gave us this ministry of reconciliation" (2 Corinth 5:18).

But all this financial stuff I've been dealing with did make something I read recently more real to me. I've been reading (and re-reading) "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee. This is another author of whom I say read everything of his you can get your hands on. I'll say more about what God has taught me through this book soon but today I just want to focus on what Nee says about "reckoning". He is commenting on Romans 6:11 where Paul says "In the same way count ("reckon" in KJV) yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

Earlier in Romans 6:6 Paul had said "For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with". But as Nee explains it is not enough to know something is fact we have to also reckon it so. The Greek word translated "reckon" or "count" means "doing the accounts". Then Nee makes the statement that I find so interesting. He says, "Accounting is the only thing in the world that we human beings can do correctly". (And I hope we did it correctly regarding the USAID funding)

To paraphrase Nee, can an artist paint a landscape with perfect accuracy? (It wouldn't be art if he did) Can history be told with absolute accuracy? Can a map be made perfectly correct? As I relate to you the story of my journey here in South Africa can I do it without exaggeration or understatement? I might be able to spell words correctly (thanks to spell-check) but do I have any chance of using them correctly? The only thing I have a chance to do with perfect accuracy is arithmetic. That's probably why I like working with numbers. Things are either right or wrong. My accounts either balance or they don't. If I spend 20 Rand ($2.58 today) but record only 10 Rand in the ledger, I haven't reckoned properly.

So what about my real experience in life. Has the body of sin been done away with in my experience of life. If not it is because I have not done the accounts properly. I have not reckoned correctly. Something in the ledger of my life does not match the real facts. My old self was crucified with Him. God placed me in Christ on the cross, not just for forgiveness but for death. I have been baptised into His death. I know it is so, but I don't reckon it so.

When the auditors did their work this week they found some errors. We will need to pay some funds back to USAID, although hopefully not too much. When God audits the account of my life He will find many errors. I didn't reckon properly. I placed sin in the ledger when it wasn't entitled to be there. Thankfully, whatever the balance owed its been paid in full. Today I start again with an account that is fully reconciled. I know I died with Christ. Sin will not find a place in my account today. I am dead to sin. I just need to reckon so.

Jacob's Well

It's been too long since I shared with y'all. (I've been around a lot of Texans lately). Since I stepped into the GM position at Genesis, most days have been long and hectic. Lots of good stuff going on but lots of hard stuff as well. I find that by the end of the day or the weekend there is not physical or emotional energy to sit down and record my thoughts and experiences. Then yesterday I got an email from Missy. She had had a rough day at work and had come to Slender Wires hoping there might be a word of encouragement or wisdom. She was disappointed because it had been over a month since I had posted. She emailed me saying she understood the reason and knew I was struggling to find the time. She just wanted me to know that she noticed.

Missy's email was such an encouragement to me. Someone noticed and more amazingly missed hearing about my faith journey. I realized anew that God wants us to share our journeys with each other. In fact an important part of our journey is sharing it with others. I've recommitted to be faithful in this. Thanks Missy.

Anyway, part of what I have been busy with has been with mission teams visiting Genesis. The Texans I mentioned are from Lake Pointe Church in Dallas Texas. Recently 2 teams from Lake Pointe, an adult and a youth team totaling about 35 people each spent about 10 days here. They had a great ministry working in several of Genesis' programs. One member of Lake Pointe Church who came on previous mission teams the last 2 years is Ami Cheek. As a result of those visits Ami decided to commit a year of her life to come and work full time with Genesis. Ami arrived in April and was excited to have the Lake Pointe teams arrive this year, not least because her sister was a member of the team.


One of the exciting things that happened during the Lake Pointe visit was the drilling of a bore hole well at Genesis' Khula project in a poor rural community. Please go to Ami's blog "Faith Into Action" http://faithintoaction.blogspot.com/ to read the story of Jacob's Well. I think it will encourage you as it has us. God is good!

Jacob at God's Well

Also, don't miss watching this video.

Can't Say No To God

As I mentioned in my last post, there have been big changes at Genesis and with my role there. Just to remind you Genesis is an NGO started by the Norwegian Settler's Church as an HIV/AIDS and community outreach ministry of the church. The flagship ministry of Genesis is the 40 bed inpatient HIV/AIDS palliative care center (Genesis Care Centre or GCC). One of my roles here has been as the Medical Director of the GCC for the last 2.5 years and I feel blessed to be part of the ministry that happens there. Genesis is a big operation now with about 70 employees and many volunteers in several ministries in addition to the GCC.

Some of the patients and staff at the Genesis Care Centre

In late February the Genesis General Mangager submitted his resignation effective the end of March. Genesis asked me to step into the position but there were many issues to work through -I don't have a work permit here, Iam registered as a doctor here only as a volunteer, a major funder PEPFAR had some concerns with the decision as I had been contracted under their grant to provide certain services etc. And most of all I'm a doctor, not a business manager (even a non-profit business).

There are so many issues and challanges with taking on this position that normally I would have quickly said "no thanks, I'm happy doing the ministry we have here as Two Tunics". But then there is the God part of the decision. You see God had been preparing Robin and I for the possibility of my stepping into leadership of Genesis. Several months before there was any hint of change in leadership at Genesis God spoke in a fairly specific way to Robin (she seems to be better at hearing His voice and God often uses her to speak to me). When God tells you He is going to do something and then He does it, is it ok to say "no thank you" and walk away because its going to be messy and its going to be hard and I'm happy serving Him as I am now?

Well obviously I didn't think so. It was something I couldn't walk away from but maybe out of lack of faith what we eventually agreed to was that I would be the Interim Acting General manager for the next 4+ months as a volunteer. PEPFAR is requiring Genesis to have an open competitive hiring process for a permanent GM so I could only be named "Interim" anyway at this time.

The last few weeks have already been hectic as I have been plunged with both feet into the many issues that urgently needed to be dealt with for Genesis to move forward and fulfill its vision to be an effective ministry to the AIDS and poverty affected communities in the area. Already I have found myself asking "why do I want these headaches" and "is this really what I'm supposed to be doing". Then I remember the answer. I am saying "yes" to God. I wouldn't want to give Him any other answer.

Thank God for the Gospel

It's been a few weeks since I've posted. Life has been a little crazy over the last month or so. There are many big changes taking place at Genesis and I have been asked to take over more of the day to day management of the bulk of the programs and not just manage the medical care of patients in the Genesis Care Centre. I'll give an update on all of that soon but it has been a matter of much discussion and prayer as it impacts on all that Two Tunics is doing as a ministry here in South Africa.

What I want to share today is an experience I had yesterday at the Genesis Care Centre. I had been asked to do an interview with a Dutch radio station that is recording a series of programs related to the upcoming election here in South Africa. Election day is 22 April 2009 and this will be the fourth free national elections since the end of apartheid. It is a foregone conclusion that the ANC (the party of Nelson Mandela) will win the majority, probably by a 2/3 majority, and Jacob Zuma will become the next President of South Africa. He is the one who was recently acquitted of rape but admitting having sex with the young woman who was HIV positive and said he "showered afterwards in order to help prevent getting HIV". He has also recently publicly married a young woman as his fourth wife (he's married to all 4, not divorced and remarried).

The dutch radio station is going to include a program on the issue of AIDS in their election series and was quite interested in how those working with HIV/AIDS see Jacob Zuma's impact on the issue. But I don't want to talk politics today. What I want to share is about guilt and forgiveness.

As the reporter and I toured the Genesis Care Centre he asked if he could interview on tape a couple of the patients, all of which have advanced HIV disease. We proceeded to interview 2 women and a man on the wards who were quite open and willing to talk about the impact of their disease on their lives (knowing that the interview would only be broadcast outside the country). As we were speaking with the man, I will call him Vusi although that is not his real name, the reporter asked him about how he got HIV. He said that he had been having sex with many women at the same time because in his culture, one is seen as an important man if he has many partners. He stated he now realized that that is wrong and he has committed to changing his life style and realizes he must have only one partner.

Toward the end of the interview the reporter asked Vusi if he had children. He said he had 6 children by 2 woman (I'll call them his wives although I'm not sure if he is married to either). He said his youngest son was 6 months old and was with his wife. He was asked if his son and wife were healthy. He said his son was sick with TB. The reporter then asked directly if they had been tested for HIV. Vusi said both his wife and son were positive. The reporter then said "so you have given this disease to at least 2 other people". At that point Vusi put his head down and began to cry (something not common for a Zulu man in public). He said it was "very painful".

I was surprised by the directness of the reporter's statement as it wasn't a question and had a judgemental tone to it. Vusi did not seem offended or angered by the statement but rather demonstrated true remorse. At that point I put my arm around Vusi as he sat slumped over his bed. I shared with him that we are all guilty of many wrongs. The Bible clearly states that we are all sinners and equally guilty in the eyes of God. I shared that although we are all guilty we can receive forgiveness from God, because through Jesus, God has provided a way for us to be forgiven. If we turn away from our sin, repent and receive that forgiveness through Jesus, we can experience a new life of peace with God. That does not mean that there will be no consequences of our sin but that we will not be judged by God and can forgive ourselves and others.

All of this was communicated through an interpreter who then said Vusi knew the truth of what I had said because he was a priest in his church. I am not sure of the church and most priests or pastors of the local indigenous churches are not trained and are more or less self appointed. I encouraged him to speak to Pastor Abraham, the Genesis chaplain about what we had discussed and he indicated he has been talking with Abraham.

As I was speaking to Vusi, the reporter was listening and recording the conversation. He was quiet and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he a Christian? Had he ever heard the gospel message before? How would he or another non-Christian (assuming he is not a born again believer) have dealt with Vusi's painful guilt? I would be at a loss to deal with it if it were not for the gospel. Perhaps the conversation I had with Vusi will have a greater impact on the reporter than with Vusi (who apparently has already accepted gospel forgiveness).

I thank God for the answer he has given me for the pain of guilt that I experience in my life. I cannot imagine the pain of knowing I was responsible for the suffering, illness and possible death of my 6 month old son from AIDS. But I am also thankful that I have an answer to share for the emotional pain that is part of every HIV/AIDS patient that I see. Without it I am helpless and can offer little hope. Thank God for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

NBC Mission Team Day Two & Three

Here's some more photos of the teams activities working with Two Tunics the last 2 days. They have been hectic but a blessing to many.

The Church on the Hill

Today Robin and I had the pleasure and privilege to worship at Norwegian Settler's Church. This is our regular place of worship here in South Africa and our second home church (along with Northview Bible Church in Spokane). When we came to live and serve here in the Port Shepstone area we came on our own on behalf of our small organization Two Tunics. We were not coming to join a team already on the ground and did not have a larger mission organization ready to support, guide and encourage us. We realized one of the first priorities for us needed to be to find a church and a small group for Christian fellowship. God provided for us the Norwegian Church and then a home cell group with in that church. Both have been a blessing to us.

Robin and I with some of the members of our home cell group







The Norwegian Settler's Church is just that, a church started by Norwegian settlers a little over 125 years ago. Today it is a thriving, predominately white interdenominational church. It sits on a hill with a view that in a sense captures life on the South Coast (as this part of KwaZulu-Natal is known). Toward the sea (lets call it east) the church overlooks the beach communities with their hotels, restaurants and shops that are a holiday destination for people from throughout South Africa as well as Europe and further abroad. It is in this community that Robin and I live.

Margate beach on Christmas day

Toward the south the church overlooks rolling hills of sugar cane fields where predominantly white and Indian farmers grow the historical number one cash crop for this area. Toward the north the church overlooks the industrial outskirts of Port Shepstone know as Marburg. Here textile factories, the Coke bottling plant and other light industries offers jobs at salaries that barely cover transport and food costs. This is also a residential area for many "coloreds", an official designation for a mixed race group distinct from blacks. This area is known for its violence, alcohol and drug abuse.

Toward the west the church overlooks an area known as Mkholombe, a shanty town that merges into a slowly expanding government housing area. No one knows how many people live in the sprawling shanty town but is definitely in the many thousands. In this community are the effects of extreme poverty, hunger, AIDS, drug abuse and despair. 40% of pregnant mothers in this community are HIV positive. Young children, many of them orphans roam the dirt paths between tin and mud shacks. Many sick with AIDS lie alone on dirt floors, abandoned by their families because of the stigma associated with AIDS.

Norwegian Settlers' Church sits on a hill overlooking these four communities, realities that together make up a microcosm of this South Coast region of South Africa. Most of the church's members come from the coastal and farm communities. They live, work and relax in a world of one or two of these realities. The other two are often unrealities to them as they have little or no contact with them. A few years ago Pastor Trevor Downham challenged the church regarding whether anyone would notice if the church disappeared. That challenge resulted in the formation of Genesis which today continues to provide care, support and hope to those in communities around the church affected by HIV/AIDS and poverty.

Genesis is fulfilling the desire of the church to be relevant to all of the communities surrounding it. Genesis is one of the key partners of Two Tunics and I am currently acting as the Medical Director of the Genesis Care Centre, a 40 bed HIV palliative care centre run by Genesis as a ministry of the church. Sometimes we think as we walk into our churches on Sunday morning "this is church". But I prefer to think "this is church" as I walk onto the Genesis wards this week helping to care for sick, dying and despairing people who would be without hope were it not for this church choosing to be the church to the pleasure and glory of Jesus Christ.

Vision Sunday

Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday in the US. But it was Vision Sunday at Norwegian Settler's Church (NSC), our home church here in South Africa. Trevor Downham, the senior pastor truly is a visionary leader. He is in large part the reason that the Genesis ministry and the Genesis Care Centre exist. Proverbs 29:18 says "where there is no vision, the people perish"(KJV). Because there is a man of vision in this place, people are living who would otherwise have died.

Yesterday Pastor Trevor presented NSC with his, and the other church leadership's vision for the church. One of the statements he made was that "you can only have a vision for God if you have a vision of God". He went on to look at what happens when someone receives a fresh vision of God.

There are many examples in the Bible of people getting a new or special vision of God. One of the best examples is Isaiah 6. Dr Del Tackett in Focus on the Family's The Truth Project describes 3 things that happen when Isaiah or anyone else has a clear vision of God. 1) They have a fresh understanding of who God is. "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." 2) They have a fresh understanding of who they are. "Woe is me! I cried. I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips". And 3) They have a fresh understanding of their circumstances. "I live among a people of unclean lips".

In his message on Sunday Trevor emphasized a key attribute of God that is always prominent when one has a vision of God. This attribute is clearly preeminent in each of the three understandings that Dr. Tackett pointed out from Isaiah's vision. It is God's holiness. "Holy, holy holy". "Woe is me". "I live among a people of unclean lips". God is holy. I am not. There is a problem in the world.

There are 2 aspects of holiness that are demonstrated in Isaiah 6. One of them, purity is commonly thought of with holiness. God is pure. I am not. I live among people who are unclean(impure). But another aspect less often associated with holiness is evident as well and that is purpose. God in His holiness says "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" God in His holiness has a purpose and a plan. Things are not to stay as they are. Isaiah was made clean and I can be as well- "your guilt has been taken away and your sins atoned for" (Isaiah 6:7). God in His holiness sends one who can be about transformation in the world. He sent One. His holy purpose is being accomplished. He is still sending.

Here I am, send me.

(Check back in a day or two for part 2 - the NSC vision.)

Redeeming the Time

Today I went to make clinical rounds at the Genesis Care Centre as I do almost every Monday. The Care Centre is a 40 bed inpatient HIV/AIDS palliative care unit that is operated by Genesis, a ministry of Norwegian Settlers Church. Each time I am there I am so thankful for the opportunity to be a part of this work to lovingly care for patients with advanced AIDS. At the same time I am often frustrated by the fact that so many of the patients come to us with such advanced disease with very little hope of recovery. Today one of the male patients died while I was making rounds. What's frustrating is that effective HIV treatment with ARV medications is readily available in South Africa. Almost all of the patients that come to Genesis Care Centre could have avoided being in the situation if they had made the decision to seek help a year or even 6 months ago. Yet largely because of the stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS they chose ignorance and denial over testing and treatment. Now often they are ready to make a different decision but the opportunity is gone. Despite good treatment many of these young men and women will die.

The Genesis Care Centre

My visit to the Care Centre brought to mind something I have been thinking a lot about during this New Year period - time. Time: a year, a day, a moment. Time: past, future, present. Time: 2008, 2009, today.

Jonathan Edwards said (in 1734) "There is nothing more precious than time and nothing of which men are more wasteful". I think he was right. Time is the most precious thing we have in life. What makes something precious is its importance together with its scarcity. Edwards describes 4 aspects of time that make it precious.

Time is important because our welfare depends on it. Our welfare in this world and more importantly our welfare for eternity. Time is short. This truth becomes more self-evident with each year I grow older. James 4:14 says "For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away". Time is uncertain. We know that time is short but we don't know how short. Will today be my last day? Time is irrecoverable. 2008 is past and the time I failed to use wisely is gone forever. My youth is gone no matter how hard I try to recover it.

As I thought about this last point I realized something else important about time. It is precious in inverse proportion to its duration.

A year is precious,
but how much more a day
and of this moment
I cannot begin to say.

If I didn't appreciate the preciousness of time in 2008, I can in 2009. And what I don't do in January I can still do in February (or probably more likely, March). If I let this morning slip by without telling my wife I loved her, I can still tell her this evening (and I better do it today). But this moment that is now gone forever cannot be recovered. It can only be redeemed. Lets commit to redeeming every moment this year, or at least today.

Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity ("redeeming the time" in KJV), because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15-16