Act Your Way Into Feeling

On Sunday before last I visited Shiloh Church in Port Shepstone. I had been invited to attend their service to receive a gift from their Sunday school class for the needy children and families that we support through our Two Tunics "Communities for Kids" programs (see http://projects.twotunicssa.org/ for more information). As Robin was away back in the US, Onnie Mgaga our Two Tunics programs manager attended with me to accept the gift of food and toys for the creches we support.


Onnie and I receiving the donations from Shiloh Church.






As we were singing during the praise and worship time of the service the worship leader suddenly stopped the music and singing. We were singing the song "The Joy of the Lord is My Strength", but as the leader pointed out we were showing no evidence of the joy of which we were singing. "How can you sing this song with such lack of joy on your faces" the leader asked. She challenged the congregation to sing it again this time with real joy. And so we did and even though the voices may have been a little off tune, both we and God were blessed as we sang with joy. And experienced the joy we were singing about.

That experience brought to mind something I had read a few days earlier. Over the years I have read some of John Maxwell’s material on leadership. Since stepping into the General Manager position at Genesis I have been reading his book “The Maxwell Daily Reader”. The May 7th entry was on enthusiasm and made this statement. “You need to act your way into feeling.” My initial response was that this didn't seem right. Isn't that hypocrisy, when we act in ways we don't really feel? But as I thought about it more I realized the statement was true and in fact a very important truth for me to apply in my life.

I had to ask myself, how much joy have I been experiencing (feeling and demonstrating) recently? I had to honestly answer, not much. Some satisfaction, some contentment, some thankfulness. But joy? Not really. Now obviously joy is not happiness. But often I do not experience joy because my circumstances are not happy. I don't feel happy so I don't experience joy.

In the appendix to his book "The Handbook for Spiritual Warfare" Dr Ed Murphy presents a Daily Affirmation of Faith that I have been meditating on and trying to recite regularly. The opening paragraph concludes, "In this day I will not judge God, His work, myself or others on the basis of feelings or circumstances." As a follower of Christ I should not live my life based on feelings that often are the result of circumstances. Rather I base my life on the truth of God's word which reveals to me who God is, the nature of His works, who I am and who my fellow man is.

Psalm 100 exclaims, "Shout for joy to the Lord all the earth". Why? "The Lord is God. It is he who made us and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture." Later the psalmist proclaims "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." This is true even when my circumstances are not happy. Even when I don't feel joy, I need to act based on the truth of God's word. We are instructed by the apostle Paul to "Rejoice always". It's not an option, its an instruction. I need to act my way into feeling, not based on my circumstance but on God's word. As we in the congregation began to act joyful as we sang we felt and experienced joy. God wants us to act joyful when we don't feel joy. He wants us to act loving when we don't feel love. As we obey He blesses with the feelings of joy and love. He fulfills our every desire.

Can't Say No To God

As I mentioned in my last post, there have been big changes at Genesis and with my role there. Just to remind you Genesis is an NGO started by the Norwegian Settler's Church as an HIV/AIDS and community outreach ministry of the church. The flagship ministry of Genesis is the 40 bed inpatient HIV/AIDS palliative care center (Genesis Care Centre or GCC). One of my roles here has been as the Medical Director of the GCC for the last 2.5 years and I feel blessed to be part of the ministry that happens there. Genesis is a big operation now with about 70 employees and many volunteers in several ministries in addition to the GCC.

Some of the patients and staff at the Genesis Care Centre

In late February the Genesis General Mangager submitted his resignation effective the end of March. Genesis asked me to step into the position but there were many issues to work through -I don't have a work permit here, Iam registered as a doctor here only as a volunteer, a major funder PEPFAR had some concerns with the decision as I had been contracted under their grant to provide certain services etc. And most of all I'm a doctor, not a business manager (even a non-profit business).

There are so many issues and challanges with taking on this position that normally I would have quickly said "no thanks, I'm happy doing the ministry we have here as Two Tunics". But then there is the God part of the decision. You see God had been preparing Robin and I for the possibility of my stepping into leadership of Genesis. Several months before there was any hint of change in leadership at Genesis God spoke in a fairly specific way to Robin (she seems to be better at hearing His voice and God often uses her to speak to me). When God tells you He is going to do something and then He does it, is it ok to say "no thank you" and walk away because its going to be messy and its going to be hard and I'm happy serving Him as I am now?

Well obviously I didn't think so. It was something I couldn't walk away from but maybe out of lack of faith what we eventually agreed to was that I would be the Interim Acting General manager for the next 4+ months as a volunteer. PEPFAR is requiring Genesis to have an open competitive hiring process for a permanent GM so I could only be named "Interim" anyway at this time.

The last few weeks have already been hectic as I have been plunged with both feet into the many issues that urgently needed to be dealt with for Genesis to move forward and fulfill its vision to be an effective ministry to the AIDS and poverty affected communities in the area. Already I have found myself asking "why do I want these headaches" and "is this really what I'm supposed to be doing". Then I remember the answer. I am saying "yes" to God. I wouldn't want to give Him any other answer.